{"id":149,"date":"2014-07-28T21:06:31","date_gmt":"2014-07-28T21:06:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/step-up\/?page_id=149"},"modified":"2020-03-06T16:17:42","modified_gmt":"2020-03-07T00:17:42","slug":"relationship-abuse","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/step-up\/relationship-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Abuse is about control.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>View the Power and Control Wheels:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/STEPUP_PhysicalViolence.pdf\">Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/STEPUP_Nonviolence.pdf\">Non-Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Scenario<\/h2>\n<p>You and a friend live on the same wing in the dorms. You walk by her room and hear her crying. In the past, she has shared with you that her boyfriend yells at her, humiliates her, and always wants to know where she is and who she\u2019s with. She also says he won\u2019t let her do things she wants to.<\/p>\n<p>It appears she has some fresh bruises around her eye and on her arms. What do you do?<\/p>\n<h2>Questions<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>What issues are or could be significant in relationship abuse\/violence situations?<\/li>\n<li>Is this an issue within the athletic community?<\/li>\n<li>How could you support the alleged victim and the alleged attacker?<\/li>\n<li>Why do some men try to control their girlfriends through force or intimidation?<\/li>\n<li>How do cultures differ with regard to gender roles?<\/li>\n<li>Why is it so hard for some women, or men, who are abused to end the relationship?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Considerations and Warning Signs<\/h2>\n<p>Relationship abuse\/violence is often very hard to identify. It can often follow learned behavior patterns that come from family, culture and media. \u201cThat\u2019s just how our (family or culture) acts,\u201d is a common excuse for perpetrators and victims in relationship violence. Also, many people never consider themselves abusive or abused, so they don\u2019t recognize \u201cwarning signs\u201d for abuse as having anything to do with their relationship. Talking about and identifying what a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP looks like, helps in seeing the problems that may be in your own, or your teammates\u2019 relationship.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Three key elements are: Intimidation, humiliation, and physical injury.<\/li>\n<li>Types include:\n<ul>\n<li>Physical abuse<\/li>\n<li>Verbal or emotional abuse<\/li>\n<li>Sexual abuse<\/li>\n<li>Stalking or cyberstalking<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Experts agree the internet is increasingly the \u201cweapon\u201d of choice. It is a tool to exert power and fear and it\u2019s more anonymous. The National Institute of Justice estimate a million Americans fall victim to stalkers each year.<\/li>\n<li>Economic abuse or financial abuse<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Spiritual abuse<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Early warning signs include, jealousy, attempts at monitoring activities, not respecting boundaries, possessiveness, threats of destruction of property, questioning beliefs and choices, and putting the person down.<\/li>\n<li>Remember \u2013 \u201cChecking up\u201d on someone (control) is not the same thing as \u201cChecking in\u201d (concern).<\/li>\n<li>Look for patterns \u2014 The Cycle of Abuse normally includes the following stages, which vary in time and intensity.\u2028 Stage One \u2013 Honeymoon Phase\u20282. Stage Two \u2013 Normal Phase\u20283. Stage Three \u2013 Tension Building\u20284. Stage Four \u2013 Explosion<\/li>\n<li>Do not automatically assume that the female is always the victim and the male is always the perpetrator.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Did you know\u2026?<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Research suggests that stalking victimization may be greater among college students than in the general population.<\/li>\n<li>Many believe technology makes dating abuse more prevalent and more hidden. Consider:\n<ul>\n<li>68% of teens say boyfriend\/girlfriend sharing private or embarrassing pictures\/videos on cell phone and computers is a serious problem.<\/li>\n<li>30% of teens say they are text messaged 10, 20, 30 times an hour by a partner inquiring where they are, what they\u2019re doing or whom they\u2019re with.<\/li>\n<li>25% of teens in a relationship say they have been called names, harassed or put down by their partner through cell phones and texting. (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.loveisnotabuse.com\/\"><em>loveisnotabuse.com<\/em><\/a>)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Action Steps<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>If someone you know is being cyberstalked tell them:<\/li>\n<li>Save all messages and call law-enforcement agencies.\n<ul>\n<li>Block the user from your social networking page or from e-mailing you.<\/li>\n<li>If the threats are on the stalker\u2019s webpage, save the entire screen including the URL and print it. Bookmarking it is not enough.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t confront the stalker. The situation could escalate.<\/li>\n<li>Contact the social networking page in question. The company can take down the website and\/or ban the stalker.<\/li>\n<li>Be careful when adding names to email lists, giving real names in public forums, leaving social networking pages unrestricted or sharing passwords.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Encourage any person in an abusive relationship to seek professional help.<\/li>\n<li>Think about your own safety when you approach the situation. You might want to have a friend with you for back up and help.<\/li>\n<li>If the violence is\/gets physical, call 9-1-1 right away.<\/li>\n<li>Do not touch the individuals no matter how well you may know them.<\/li>\n<li>Be aware of your tone of voice and volume. Stay calm.<\/li>\n<li>Calmly attempt to separate the individuals without putting yourself in danger.<\/li>\n<li>Be respectful of both individuals and their viewpoints. Listen fully to the concerns.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Resources<\/h2>\n<h3>Relationship Abuse Presentation<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Read\u00a0<a href=\"\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/Topic_PLEASE_READ.pdf\">this<\/a> first<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>For an approximately hour long presentation on hazing, using Step UP! training, please\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/RelationshipAbuse2012.pdf\">CLICK HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p><em>These presentations do not intend to cover all aspects of the topic nor to be the authority on the subject matter. They are merely starting points. You are encouraged to use your own resources and professionals on campus to help supplement the information and co-present if possible.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3>Handouts<\/h3>\n<p>Violence Wheel\/Nonviolence Wheel:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/STEPUP_PhysicalViolence.pdf\">Violence Wheel<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/step-up\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/54\/2014\/07\/STEPUP_Nonviolence.pdf\">Nonviolence Wheel<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Local<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>9-1-1 or\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/myportal.laverne.edu\/web\/campus-safety\">Campus Police<\/a>\u2013 Do not be afraid to contact police if you have information about an assault even after the fact.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Campus Programs for Sexual Assault\/ Relationship Violence<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/projectsister.org\/\">Project Sister Rape Crisis Services<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/student-affairs\/staff\/\">Dean of Students office<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.leopardathletics.com\/insideAthletics\/Staff_Directory\/index\">Athletics Psychologist<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/housing\/\">Hall Director if in the dorms<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/counseling\/\/\">Campus Counseling and Psychological Services<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/laverne.edu\/chaplain\/\">Life Skills Director<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Coach, Assistant Coach, Athletic Directors, Administrators, Advisors, and\/or Athletic Trainers<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.leopardathletics.com\/insideAthletics\/Staff_Directory\/index\">Athletic Staff Directory<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.leopardathletics.com\/insideAthletics\/AthleticTraining\/Index\">Athletic Training<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>National<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Emerge Center Against Domestic Abuse: (888) 428-0101<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ikeepsafe.org\/\">Internet Keep Safe Coalition <\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ndvh.org\/\">National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> \u00a0or (800) 799-7323<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncadv.org\/\">National Coalition Against Domestic Violence <\/a>or (800) 799-7323<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.loveisnotabuse.com\/\">Love Is Not Abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.loveisrespect.org\/\">National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline<\/a>or (866) 331-9474<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Abuse is about control. View the Power and Control Wheels: Violence Non-Violence Scenario You and a friend live on the same wing in the dorms. You walk by her room and hear her crying. In the past, she has shared with you that her boyfriend yells at her, humiliates her, and always wants to know [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-149","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v23.8 (Yoast SEO v23.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Relationship Abuse - Step Up Program Department | University of La Verne<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Relationship abuse\/violence is often very hard to identify. 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