Dating & Boundaries

Dating

Dating is typically defined as two people in an intimate relationship. Regardless of the label you use, you and your partner should both accept the same definition for your relationship. Some of the most commonly used words to describe dating are:

  1. Going out
  2. Together
  3. Being with someone
  4. Seeing each other
  5. Just friends
  6. Friends with benefits
  7. Hooking up

Boundaries

Creating boundaries is a good way to keep your relationship healthy and secure. By setting boundaries together, you can have a deeper understanding of the type of relationship you both want to have.

Talking About Boundaries

Whether you’re casually hooking up or going out for a while, setting boundaries is an important part of any relationship. Talking about boundaries with your partner is a great way to make sure that your needs are being met and you feel safe in your relationship. You should feel comfortable communicating your needs to your partner without being afraid of what they might do in response. Here are some things to think about when setting boundaries in your relationship:

  • The L Word. Saying “I love you” happens for different people at different times in a relationship. If your partner says it and you don’t feel that way, don’t feel bad — you may just not be ready. Let your partner know how it made you feel when they said it, and tell them your own goals for the relationship.
  • Time Apart. As great as it is to want to spend time with your partner, remember that it’s important to have some time away from each other too. Both you and your partner should be free to hang out with friends or family without having to get permission. It’s also healthy to spend time by yourself. You should be able to tell your partner when you need to do things on your own instead of feeling obligated to spend all of your time together.
  • Take Your Time. Don’t rush it if you’re not ready. Getting physical with your partner doesn’t have to happen right away. In a healthy relationship, both partners know what they are comfortable with and they communicate if something changes. There isn’t a rule book that says you have to go so far by a certain age or at any given time in a relationship, so take things at your own pace.
  • Sex Isn’t Currency. You don’t owe your partner anything. Just because your partner takes you out to dinner, buys you a gift, or says “I love you,” doesn’t mean you owe them anything in return. It isn’t fair for your partner to claim that you don’t care about them because you won’t “go all the way.” Even if you’ve done it before, you are never required to do it just because your partner is pressuring you. Remember, no means no. Read more about sex & consent.
  • Passwords are Private. Even if you trust your partner, sharing passwords for your phone and website accounts isn’t always the best idea. Just like you should be able to spend time by yourself, you are entitled to your own digital privacy. Giving your partner access to your Facebook or Twitter allows them to post anything they want without getting your permission first. They can also see everyone that you talk to, which may cause unwarranted jealousy, especially if there isn’t anything going on. Just to be safe, your password should be something that only you know so you know you always have control of your information.
  • Photos and Sexting. Similarly to your physical boundaries, it’s important to have digital boundaries about what you’re comfortable sending via text message. Once you’ve hit send on a photo or text, you lose control over who sees it. If your partner sends you an inappropriate picture and demands that you send one back, you should be able to express to them that you aren’t comfortable sharing that over text message without them getting angry or threatening you.

 Read more about communication.

Unhealthy Boundaries

Creating boundaries is not a sign of secrecy or distrust — it’s an expression of what makes you feel comfortable and what you would like to happen within the relationship. Healthy boundaries shouldn’t restrict your ability to:

  • Go out with your friends without your partner.
  • Participate in activities and hobbies you like.
  • Not have to share passwords to your email, social media accounts, or phone.
  • Respect each other’s individual likes and needs.

Want to learn more about unhealthy relationships?

*Information adapted from www.loveisrespect.org