Seek Help

If you think your relationship is unhealthy, it’s important to think about your safety. Consider these points as you move forward:

Understand that a person can only change if they want to. You can’t force your partner to alter their behavior if they don’t believe they’re wrong.
Focus on your own needs. Are you taking care of yourself? Your wellness is always important. Watch your stress levels, take time to be with friends, and get enough sleep. If you find that your relationship is draining you, consider ending it.
Connect with your support systems. Often, abusers try to isolate their partners. Talk to your friends, family members, professors, and others to make sure you’re getting the emotional support you need.
Think about breaking up. Remember that you deserve to feel safe and accepted in your relationship.
Even though you cannot change your partner, you can make changes in your own life to stay safe. Consider leaving your partner before the abuse gets worse.

Support Systems

If you’re experiencing warning signs of an unhealthy or abuse relationship, consider talking to:

Friends. Only share with friends you trust. It may be better to talk with a friend who doesn’t know your partner.
Professors or Staff. Speaking to professors, staff, or administrators may seem intimidating, but they are there to help you and support you. They can help you figure out what to do if you’re in the same class or activity with your abusive partner.
Counselors. They can help you deal with your feelings and find solutions for your safety concerns.

All University employees, including faculty, staff, and student workers are mandated reporters. Mandated reporters are required by law to report the situation if someone is danger of being hurt. Remember, these laws are meant to protect you, not get you in trouble.

Please visit the University of La Verne Title IX Resource Guide for more information.

Help a Friend

Watching a friend go through an abusive relationship can be very scary, and you may feel like you’re not sure how to help them. The decision to leave can only be made by the person experiencing the abuse, but there a lot of things you can do to help your friend stay safe. Remember that it may be difficult for your friend to even bring up a conversation about the abuse they’re experiencing. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend who you think needs help. Tell them you’re concerned for their safety and want to help:

Be supportive and listen patiently. Acknowledge their feelings and be respectful of their decisions.
Help your friend recognize that the abuse is not “normal” and is NOT their fault. Everyone deserves a healthy, nonviolent relationship.
Focus on your friend or family member, not the abusive partner. Even if your loved one stays with their partner, it’s important they still feel comfortable talking to you about it.
Connect your friend to resources that can give them information and guidance, such as professors, staff members, or counselors.
Help them develop a safety plan.
If they break up with the abusive partner, continue to be supportive after the relationship is over.
Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being supportive and caring — you’re already doing a lot.
Don’t contact their abuser or publicly post negative things about them online. It’ll only worsen the situation for your friend.

What should I do if I know someone who has been assaulted?

*Information adapted from www.loveisrespect.org