Common Transitional Issues

Roommate Challenges

In college, not only are most students living away from home for the first time in their lives, they are also often sharing very close quarters with an individual they may not know very well. This new living situation may be fun and exciting but can also pose many challenges that they have not encountered before. Even the most easygoing and friendly students may have some disagreements with their new roommates. The most common sources of disagreement include levels of cleanliness, personal space, guests, sleeping hours, study patterns, food sharing, and alone time. Also, your student may be very excited to live with a good friend; however, this may not always be the best choice for a roommate, as differences of opinion inevitably will arise. Your student may want to maintain close friendships with some individuals with whom he/she does not live with to make sure support is available outside that of the new living situation.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Encourage your student to develop a system based on mutual trust and respect with a new roommate. Ideally, they will become best friends. More importantly, they develop the trust and respect that will allow them to be good roommates.
  • Think of yourself as a coach. Although you will have the urge to jump in, remember this is part of their training for life. Coach them through the adjustment and occasional discomfort. This may mean: a) allowing your student to vent frustrations, b) posing possible solutions when inevitable annoyances do arise, and c) encouraging them to inform housing staff so that they can help as well.
  • Remember that conflict is normal and an opportunity to learn. College housing programs have systems in place to help students address and work through roommate conflicts. Often this process involves weighing both sides and helping them understand how they each contribute to the conflict.

Additional Resources

  • This website addresses roommate conflicts and explores options of how your student can confront and communicate with his/her roommate. It also explains the common mediation process used by resident assistants.

Academics

Compared to what your student is accustomed to – even the most academically rigorous high school environments – college will pose some unique academic challenges and may require a complete reorganization of your student’s approach to schoolwork. Typically, college academics require more critical thinking, more independent work as well as more group work, and rely on the student to be responsible for material that is not covered in class. In addition, assignments are generally more demanding than what your son or daughter may be used to. Taken together, these changes allow for more freedom of thought and the opportunity to explore new content areas that may be of particular interest to your student. However, he/she may also require a period of adjustment.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Reassure your student that he/she is fully capable of completing the work. Encourage a realistic appraisal of the workload, the use of peer study groups, as well as the utilization of his/her professors’ office hours.
  • Encourage your student to bring test grades and paper grades to professors and  academic advisor, so he/she can get some help with making good use of feedback.
  • Regarding grades and career aspirations: encourage your student to reflect on his/her interests and skills, to reflect on whether they overlap, and to think about what might have to change if they do not overlap. For example, a student who is interested in a medical career may have poor skills in chemistry, excellent writing skills, and great skills with public speaking. In this case, the student needs to reflect on whether skill-building exercises in chemistry are possible and will help lead him/her to the desired career, or whether he/she may have to re-think career interests, in light of actual skills.
  • Encourage your student to take advantage of the tutoring program and academic support center on campus if he or she is struggling with a particular subject. Emphasize that these connections should be made early in the semester. Most campus tutoring is free of charge.
  • Advise your student to make regular appointments with his/her academic advisor and the career center on campus. Conduct your own research on what services these offices can provide your student and relay this information to your son or daughter.

Additional Resources

  • This website contains tips to share with your student on adjusting to college/university from high school.
  • This website provides information on how parents can identify if their college student may be at-risk academically and what they can do to help.

Time Management

One key element of success in the college environment is effective time management. Without it, many college students find themselves enduring an overwhelming amount of stress. With the changes in academic structure, it becomes even more crucial for students to motivate themselves and stay on top of their work and other responsibilities. For example, for every hour that your student is in class, he or she should be spending three hours studying or doing homework outside of class. Thus, time management is not only about efficiency on tasks, but also about carefully considering which activities contribute to long- term goals and are worthwhile and which may be unnecessary or creating a negative impact.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • First, encourage your student to get a planner (and use it!). Encourage your student to keep a written or electronic calendar, to check it throughout the day, and to move events from one day to the next if the event is not completed. If the student is having major problems with time management, have him/her set an alarm, reminding him/her of important appointments.
  • Talk to your student about prioritizing schoolwork and other important activities and to think about long range planning as well.
  • Talk to your student about breaking large tasks into smaller ones. When you hear about your student feeling overwhelmed, ask him/her what the smaller building blocks of each assignment might be. What can be accomplished today? What can be done tomorrow?
  • All colleges have an office that provides support, training and counseling on time management. Encourage your student to find out what office that is and consult officials for tips on time management. Be sure to also research the resources available on campus so you can better support your student and engage in discussion.

Additional Resources

More useful tips for time management and more effective study habits can be found online at:

Managing Finances

College may be the first time your student may have to manage financial matters on his/her own. Before he/she steps onto his/her college campus, it is important for them to have a sufficient understanding of the most important elements of managing finances and how to successfully do so while also attending school. Without the proper guidance, it can be very easy for new college students to overindulge in unnecessary items or improperly keep track of important financial documents.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Teach your student how to budget and keep track of his/her money. This can be as simple as helping him or her to create a monthly budget to meeting with a financial advisor.
  • Help your student research the local eateries and businesses that give discounts to college students. Taking advantage of such offers can help your student save any extra money he/she may need for something more important.
  • Discuss the importance of financial security with your student. Remind them not to give out important numbers such as his or her Social Security number, credit card numbers, bank account numbers, and/or pin numbers unless it is secure.
  • If your student doesn’t have one already, help him/her  open a bank account.
  • Be sure to explain the advantages and disadvantages of using credit cards. Talk with your student about limiting the amount of credit cards they have. Create a plan with your student for what situations warrant the use of a credit card. Explain the benefits of having “good credit” when it comes to purchasing a vehicle, a home, etc…
  • If your student has student loans, encourage them to make an appointment with financial aid to get an orientation of their overall financial packet. This may help your student gain a better understanding of how their student loans will affect their overall finances.

 Resources

Stress Management

The changes that your student encounters in college will most likely bring a mixture of fun and excitement, but  they will also bring some stress. Students may perceive higher levels of academic competition, social and peer pressure, and a greater perceived importance of their performance for future career and life goals. All of these factors can contribute to feelings of being overwhelmed or “stressed out.”   Of undergraduate college students, 30.5% reported stress as the number one impediment to their academic performance.[iv] It is important for family members to be able to recognize when their college students may be dealing with a high level of stress and to know how to help.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Despite the potential increase in stressors, the more consistently students can prioritize sleep, exercise, and good nutrition, the better they will likely be able to handle stress as it arises.
  • Help your student come up with a plan to make sure his/her needs are being met both physically and emotionally and encourage healthy ways of looking at challenges and set-backs in his/her academic endeavors and other areas of life.
  • Remember, healthy eating and exercise are major factors in reducing stress. Engage in discussion with your student about how these can remain a priority.
  • Listen! Be someone they know they can talk to when they are experiencing stress. Keep an open mind to their situations and act as a support system so they always know they can come to you if they need someone.

Resources

Realistic Self-Appraisal/Self-Esteem

Self-esteem can make or break a student’s college experience. Many people base their self-esteem or self-worth strictly on their external possessions or achievements, a recipe for disaster since many of these things are out of the individual’s control. Low self-esteem can be a side effect of the challenge for peer acceptance. It is important for family members to help their college student find qualities within himself/herself with which he/she is content and from which he/she can build.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Discuss if your student tends to compare him or herself to others; emphasize that everyone is coming from different life experiences, and thus, they are impossible to compare.
  • Point out that we only have access to the image that others project to the world, we and do not know really how they are truly feeling inside. This type of discussion may help your student to better understand that even if it seems like everyone is better off than he/she is, it is impossible to know the depth of one’s circumstances without really getting to know that person.
  • Make sure to express unconditional acceptance of your student regardless of his/her performance in school or other issues he/she may be experiencing. Even if they don’t always admit it, they do care about your opinion of them.
  • Research the triggers that can lead to low self-esteem within the college student population. If your student becomes involved with any of the triggers, you should be more equipped with how to be supportive.

Resources

Learning Disabilities

Some individuals may have already been diagnosed with a learning disability early in their educations, and although it may seem that college is an opportunity to progress academically, make sure that your student gets the assistance that will help college be a rewarding and successful time for them. Other students may even discover they have a learning disability while in college. Students with a learning disability are more likely to need tutoring services and extra time to complete their degree.[v] That being said, students will have to adjust to not having the immediate or constant support of their parent or family in the college setting; however, families can be supportive of students as they develop self-advocacy skills and create an environment that is most conducive to their own growth and development.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • If you wish to be involved and informed if your student is using the support services on campus, it is important to have a conversation with your student regarding your request. He or she will need to give written consent to the proper departments for you to be more involved in the support services’ processes.
  • Offer encouragement to your student and be supportive of his/her choices if your student wishes to be tested for a learning disability while in college. Be an encourager in the process, but support your student taking the lead in decision-making.
  • If you are just discovering that your student has a learning disability, do research on how you can best be a supportive parent to his/her situation, as well as research on how he/she can function most effectively with the learning disability while in college.
  • Listen to your student and be aware of the cues he/she is sending you. Use this to gauge how much or how little he/she wants/needs your assistance.
  • Encourage your student to utilize the resources on campus that can assist your student if he/she has a learning disability. These services are confidential and can provide the support your student will need while in college.

Resources

 

Identity Issues/Diversity

As you and your college student are likely aware, identity and diversity are more than meets the eye. Even individuals who previously felt fairly certain of their identity and role in society may undergo a period of revisiting their view of themselves in relation to others. Allow space and support for your student to explore questions about his/her own identity. This may be particularly important if your student is a member of an underrepresented population, but anyone could potentially feel left out or unsure of exactly where to fit into the social structure.  College is one of the most prevalent times during which an individual will go through the self-actualization process, because they will encounter and learn from other individuals who are different from them. How much or little other cultural norms were discussed in one’s home environment before the college experience can determine the level of stress an individual will develop from these transitional issues.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Listen to the concerns that your college student is expressing to you regarding identity issues. Try not to be judgmental in your tone. Remember, it probably took a lot of courage for your student to open up to you regarding these issues and you want to keep the lines of communication open.
  • Educate yourself! It is important to remember that college students today are encountering a diverse group of people when they enter college. It may be helpful to research the current trends at your student’s institution in order to better engage in supportive discussion.
  • No matter what your own opinion is, try to be supportive in your student’s own identity development and encourage him/her to come to their consensus independently. Assure him/her that you are there if he/she needs someone to talk to.
  • Encourage dialogue about differences within your own relationship with your student and with the relationships your student has with others.

Resources

Sexual Activity

This is likely a very uncomfortable topic for young adults and parents alike; however, it is important to be open and willing to discuss safety and sexual health with your child if he/she comes to you about these issues (sometimes even if he/she doesn’t). It is important to know the research regarding sexual activity in college students. Students assume that 85% of their peers have had two or more sexual partners; in reality, this only rings true for about 28% of their peers.[vi] The assumptions college students have about sexual activity in college, much of it due to the media’s point of view, encourages many students to give in to peer pressure, because they want to live up to what they think is expected of them.  It is also essential to remember that alcohol usage seems to contribute to risky sexual behaviors and the decision to have sex.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Prior to going off to college, you can help your student develop his/her own values while, at the same, time reminding your student of your family’s values regarding sexual activity. Engage in a conversation about what a healthy relationship should look like.
  • Have a candid conversation about alcohol and safer sex, and about how binge drinking and other behavior related to substance use can lead to decisions that your student might later regret.
  • Give your student options! Some college students may still be uncomfortable talking to their parents about their sexual activity. Encourage your son or daughter to find someone he/she can trust so that you can rest assured he/she is at least talking to someone regarding this topic.
  • If you and your student openly discuss his/her sexual behavior, have a discussion regarding birth control, including birth control options.
  • Have a conversation with your student about abstinence. Abstinence has a different meaning to different people, so it is important to discuss what it means to your student. This can be a difficult conversation to have with your son or daughter, so be open to hearing his/her thoughts.

Resources

First Generation College Students

Although family members may not be able to share their own experiences of college, the support of family members is critical to the success of individuals who are among the first generation in their family to attend college. There may be some additional support on campus as well, but the most important thing is to express the importance of the path that your child has chosen and to let him/her know that despite your lack of personal experience with the current endeavor, you are there to help in anyway possible.  Being the first in the family to go to college, it is important to know that your student may experience an array of emotions during the experience, even possibly including as strong sense of responsibility to the family. These types of emotions could add stress to your student, so it is helpful for family members to understand what the student may be feeling.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Learn about the college process and what to expect. This will help you be a better support system for students as they go through their experiences.
  • Be patient with your student and ask them to be patient with you. Remember, this is the first time for everyone involved to be experiencing college life.
  • Encourage your student to communicate with you if he/she feels overwhelmed. Reassure your student that you believe in  and are proud of him/her.
  • Encourage them to utilize the resources and departments that are available to them on-campus that can also help them through overwhelming times.

Resources

First Time Handling Medical Care

In addition to the many fun and exciting new experiences, there are many of the more mundane, daily tasks that your student may be handling for the first time. Understanding and handling their own medical care and appointments is one of the most critical of these tasks. Help your student explore the options. Young adults can now be covered on their parent’s insurance for much longer than in previous years, but be proactive with your student to make sure that there is a plan in place for once  he/she is no longer eligible to be on your insurance policy. Many times, students have the option of being covered by the college institution in which they are enrolled.

Tips for supporting your student:

  • Most schools will have a good student health insurance plan that your student can opt into, but you may also want to explore other options with your student.
  • Research the Health Center on-campus and look into the services that they offer. This type of service is covered in the tuition cost and can provide you with a “peace of mind” while your student is going to college.
  • Although it may seem to make sense to keep your student’s insurance card and other important documents safe at home, your son or daughter should have a copy of an insurance card with him/her at all times.
  • You can help your student understand how to find an in-network doctor, but as much as possible, your student should make his or her own appointments, in order to develop an understanding of the process and create a network of health care providers in the area.
  • Some parents prefer to schedule all of their students’ appointments when they are home on break. However, whenever possible, it will be more enjoyable and more empowering for the student to handle these things on their own. Also, this way when your student comes home to visit, you can enjoy your time together rather than trying to squeeze in multiple medical and/or dental appointments.

Resources