Abuse

Unhealthy and abusive behavior can take many different forms. Depending on the relationship, the following forms of abuse may be present:

  • Verbal Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse

Non-Physical Abuse

A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive without physical violence. Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking. Emotional and verbal forms of abuse may be just as damaging as physical abuse. The following behaviors qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:

  • Calling you names or putting you down.
  • Yelling or screaming at you.
  • Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
  • Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
  • Telling you what to do or wear.
  • Using social media or cell phones to control, intimidate, or humiliate you.
  • Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
  • Stalking you.
  • Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
  • Threatening to harm you or people you care about.
  • Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
  • Threatening to expose your secrets, such as your sexual identity or immigration status.
  • Starting rumors about you.

Stalking and sexual discrimination are forms of sexual misconduct prohibited at University of La Verne. For definitions and more information, please visit the Title IX Resource Guide.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy. Examples of physical abuse are:

  • Scratching, punching, biting, strangling, or kicking.
  • Throwing something at you such as a phone, book, shoe, or plate.
  • Pulling your hair.
  • Pushing or pulling you.
  • Grabbing your clothing.
  • Using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace, or other weapon.
  • Smacking your bottom.
  • Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.
  • Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
  • Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere.

What should I do if I am in a physically abusive relationship?

Dating violence, domestic partner violence, and sexual assault are all forms of sexual misconduct prohibited at University of La Verne. For definitions and more information, please visit the Title IX Resource Guide. 

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse refers to any action that pressures or coerces someone to do something sexually they don’t want to do. It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs. Some examples of sexual assault and abuse are:

  • Unwanted kissing or touching.
  • Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
  • Rape or attempted rape.
  • Refusing to use condoms or restricting someone’s access to birth control.
  • Keeping someone from protecting themselves from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
  • Sexual contact with someone who is intoxicated, unconscious, or otherwise unable to give a clear and informed “yes” or “no.”
  • Threatening or pressuring someone into unwanted sexual activity.

Read more about sex & consent.

What should I do if I have been sexually assaulted?

Sexual harassment, sexual assault, and sexual exploitation are all forms of sexual misconduct prohibited at University of La Verne. For definitions and more information, please visit the Title IX Resource Guide.

LGBTQ Abusive Relationships

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) youth experience dating abuse at the same rates, and in similar ways, as heterosexual couples do. In fact, one in three young people — straight, gay and everyone in between — experience some form of dating abuse. Many LGBTQ teens and 20-somethings believe that no one will help them because they are transgender or in a same-sex relationship. If you’re LGBTQ, you may face additional obstacles when asking for help:

  • Shame or Embarrassment. You may be struggling with your own feelings about your sexual identity or gender-identity. Your abusive partner may attempt to use this shame to exert power and control over you.
  • Fear of not Being Believed or Taken Seriously. You may worry that if you report abuse, you will encounter common stereotypes about LGBTQ abusive relationships. Your partner may exploit this fear, trying to convince you that no one will take an LGBTQ victim seriously.
  • Fear of Retaliation, Harassment, Rejection or Bullying. If you are not yet “out” to everyone, your abusive dating partner may threaten to tell your secret to people who will make your life more difficult once they know. You may also fear that seeking help will make you a target of public ridicule, retaliation, harassment, or bullying. Your abusive partner may exploit these fears to isolate you and keep you in the relationship.
  • Less Legal Protection. You may be unaware that you have legal options for protection — including obtaining a restraining or protective order. Although laws vary from state to state, and some specifically restrict restraining orders to heterosexual couples, most states have gender-neutral laws that do not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. University of La Verne offers options for seeking help, on and off campus resources, and support for victims/survivors.

*Information adapted from www.loveisrespect.org